“About 40% of teenage[rs] ages 14 to 17 say they know someone their age who has been hit or beaten by a boyfriend [or girlfriend]”, according to dosomething.org. Are you a part of that 40 percent? It is important to note that the abuse you may be witnessing is not limited to physical harm but can include emotional, sexual, verbal, or digital abuse (as mentioned in an earlier post).
As a friend, you may question whether or not you should become involved. You might ask, “What can I do to help?” or you may think of things preventing you from taking action like “ The violence really can’t be that serious” or “ If my friend wanted the help he/she would ask for it.”
But in actuality, the violence is really that serious.
According to theredflagcampaign.org, “dating violence includes threats, pushing, punching, slapping, choking, sexual assault, and assault with weapons. But violent behaviors often times stem from controlling behaviors- behaviors that are no less abusive. Controlling behaviors include, but are not limited to, a dating partner calling and/or texting constantly, demanding their partner’s cell phone be on continually, dictating what their dating partner can and cannot wear, and getting jealous or upset when their dating partner spends time with his or her friends or family members. “Dating violence is rarely a one-time occurrence and usually escalates in frequency and severity. Even if the violence is “only” verbal, it can seriously affect the victim’s health and well-being, so any act of dating violence is something to take seriously.”
And you have to keep in mind that your friend may not ask for help because he or she feels uneasy talking about the situation with you. theredflagcampaign.org offers a solution: Talk to her/him about the abusive behaviors you have noticed, tell your friend no one deserves to be treated in that way, and ask her/him how you can help.
Here are some really great tips on what YOU can do! (The following list is borrowed from loveisrespect.org)
•Don’t be afraid to reach out to a friend who you think needs help. Tell them you’re concerned for their safety and want to help.
•Be supportive and listen patiently. Acknowledge their feelings and be respectful of their decisions.
•Help your friend recognize that the abuse is not “normal” and is NOT their fault. Everyone deserves a healthy, non-violent relationship.
•Focus on your friend or family member, not the abusive partner. Even if your loved one stays with their partner, it’s important they still feel comfortable talking to you about it.
•Connect your friend to resources in their community that can give them information and guidance. Remember, loveisrespect.org can help.
•Help them develop a safety plan.
•If they break up with the abusive partner, continue to be supportive after the relationship is over.
•Even when you feel like there’s nothing you can do, don’t forget that by being supportive and caring — you’re already doing a lot.
•Don’t contact their abuser or publicly post negative things about them online. It’ll only worsen the situation for your friend.
